My first personal statement started out with me talking about myself and I was into the second paragraph before I began a cohesive story. This contained the components of my project, but there were no descriptive words to immerse to reader and the climax was a letdown since the most significant event occurred at the very beginning.
I revised the story; there is no point in discussing myself as being a creative and destructive child who has many interesting projects. These subjective words can be applied to anyone and they don’t demonstrate why I’d be a good fit within an engineering program. Instead, I jumped right into the story and began the discussion by talking about the crude and admittedly dangerous experiment that I had done. I provided a more detailed description of the failure and my actions at the time. When I reached the end, rather than leaving the story at that, I tied it into another project that I had worked to indicate its importance to me.
Sentence structure categorizes words into groups such as characters that operate on subjects. Passive voices are more difficult to understand because the subject is the focus of the sentence with the character and their action hidden. Our first grammar exercises were in identifying the positions of the characters, acts, and operations to help us identify these passive sentences. Another method to improve clarity was to reformat sentences to remove negations. These sentences consisted of a character that did not perform an operation on the subject. These decrease clarity for obvious reasons in that it is difficult to keep track of what actions have actually resulted in an outcome.